October 19th, 1979 was a very long
time ago. Back then there were no computers to hide you, we played outside. It
was nothing to see kids riding in the back of pickup trucks. Biking was for fun,
not just to get somewhere, seat belts were not mandatory, drinking out of the
hose was easier then getting a glass of water and we still live. One thing that
would maybe have helped would have been cell phones, but that was many years
away.
Revving engines of large pick-up trucks and tires squealing
on the paved highway a mile north transports me back in time. A time where
longing for a different past was all a young girl wished for after a
devastating crash that killed one parent and almost took the life of her
brother, the best friend she had at that time.
The area we lived in was very similar
to any country area near villages and small towns; Farming/ranching families.
At the young
age of 28 my father’s truck was hit head on by another truck, alcohol
was a factor and the driver of the other vehicle was killed as well.
In 1979 the Trans Canada Highway
was not twinned between Medicine Hat and Calgary, very much like the roads in
rural areas where homes are kilometers apart, it was being looked into. But, there
were vehicles, there was alcohol and there are
always the people who think they are invincible.
A daddy’s girl from what I have
been told by aunts, uncles and my mom. We were living on a farm not far north
from Redcliff, but south of Suffield, Alberta. We hadn't been living on the
farm for very long, just over a year I believe; the house was built by our
family and from what I was told it was only the beginning of what my father had
planned for our country home. I found my love for living in the country in that
very short time. It is peaceful to hear the trains passing by instead of police
sirens and still is.
My father worked hard to support his family,
working in Medicine Hat during the day and working on the farm each evening.
On
Friday, October 19th, 1979 the grand opening of the Medicine Hat
Mall; the second mall in Medicine Hat, brought people from the surrounding
rural areas. My mother drove in from the farm and afterwards we visited with my
aunt, uncle and cousins. With my parents’ vehicles in “The Hat”, my father and
brother followed in the pickup truck while my mother, cousin and I were in the
lead car.
Waking up the next morning to what
was supposed to be a fun weekend with my cousin became the worst day a shy
little girl, who would cling to her father’s leg for comfort, to endure.
I
remember someone taking me into my parents’ room, my mother crying on her bed.
I was to sit next to her to hear of the tragedy that would change my families’
lives forever. I have cousins that never got to
meet their Uncle Norman. The cousins I did have were all very young; the oldest being 2 years my senior and was the other passenger in my moms’ car.
A month and a half later Christmas
was probably the last holiday anyone would want to celebrate in our family.
With the rest of the children under the age of 5, how can you not? I always
wondered how my aunts and uncles from both sides were able to deal with the
holidays for their children.
It is easy to remember good times,
when it is a natural death to an older person. But this was a young father
taken before his 30th birthday in a horrible way with so much to
live for.
I absolutely refused to believe
that my father was dead, that it could not be true, he would never leave me. It was a nightmare that lasted for many years of waking up screaming. For several
years I would wake up with night terrors of the death of my father. There are
times I still wake up from a dream of that night.
The truck that killed my father and
almost took the life of my brother was playing “chicken” with another vehicle.
The young men were intoxicated and in 1979 there were no set rules about
drinking and driving like there is today. We didn't recognize the debilitating
affects alcohol can do to a person while driving and people unlucky enough to
be around them were casualties in waiting back then.
Today, we know that booze impairs
our judgment--liquid courage as we tend to call it--to do things we know are wrong
whether it is against the law like drinking and driving, being abusive or even
making a fool of ourselves.
We all know that drinking and driving
still happens and we all know it kills. Maybe not the first time or even the
one hundredth time, but eventually someone will pay for another persons’
idiocy.
What can we
do about it?
Many things
can be done, but it has to be done by family and friends around the person who persistently
drinks and drives.
Parents, Family, Friends…
Do your
children know you will come get them even at 3am no matter where they are or if
you know they will be drinking and are not responsible enough to sleep it off,
are you willing to pay for a hotel room for them to sleep it off instead of
them driving home on those dark roads antelope and moose tend to play on?
Do you take
a stand when you know your child drinks and drives by taking keys away? Are you
willing to save someone’s life by making sure your young adult children are not
behind a wheel of a vehicle after a party?
That brother
that has a drinking problem and has to drive into town to get another bottle
and stays for a few beers before going back to the farm, are you willing to
follow him? Are you willing to take his vehicle away? Are you willing to report
him?
You are not
doing him any favors when he rolls his truck on an icy road and you go to get
the truck out of the ditch for him the next day instead of reporting him to the RCMP. He
needs help, but not the kind of help you are giving him by covering up his
addiction.
Many family
members have probably heard that there isn't a problem, they only had a few or
they can handle the alcohol.
Many people
have heard victims say how it destroyed their lives. I don’t think the killing
of my father destroyed my life, it changed it dramatically but there has been
good in the last 35 years; Too much good to dwell on the “what ifs”.
What I do
want to explain to those who know of a family member who drinks and drives is
how it changes the lives of the victims, including their own.
The ripple
effect happens instantly. My mothers’ family lived in Medicine Hat, while my
dads’ family lived in the country. Rarely did I get to see my grandparents,
aunts, uncles and cousins on my fathers’ side after my father died and when I was able to, it just wasn't the same. It was hard to be around them, it reminded all of us who was missing. I loved being with my dads family, but my tears were always there because dad wasn't.
The entire
family are victims.
It is not just the lives of children and
spouses that are altered. Brothers, sisters, parents, the list goes on, family
friends and even children that are not born to a family, like grandchildren,
are effected by someone being dim-witted enough to think they are capable of
driving after a night out on the town or even someone who ran out of booze and
needs more.
Would you want to live with the
fact that you could have stopped the death of another human by taking a stand
with a family member who thinks they are invincible? or can you be okay with that?
Death is permanent. You cannot take
back killing someone and you cannot take back the life of your loved one who
may just be killed as well. It is something you have to live with for the rest
of your life, your family lives with the death caused by lack of common sense
for the rest of their lives. You can forgive yourself, you can receive
forgiveness from those whom you hurt, but it will always be there.
Would you want to live with the
fact that you could have stopped the death of a neighbor by taking a stand with
a family member who thinks they need one more drink?
Yes, I know people who are selfish
enough to drink and drive, after trying to explain my past to them they either
take what I have said to heart or they chose to ignore me, if it is the latter,
I walk away from that friendship and have reported them. My children’s lives
depend on other people making the right choices.
It has taken a lot to be able to say that while my life would have been completely different had
my parents chose to stay home that night there are no guarantees. It was a difficult
time, some lessons would not have been learned the same way but many things for
the good happened after the death of a young husband and father many years ago.
These days society knows better. It is not just propaganda, driving while drunk kills.
Knowing you could have done something,
anything to stop your loved one from killing another human by not allowing them
to drink and drive would be overwhelming. But if it means a loved one is alive
but behind bars, they are still alive.
The only reason I share my
experiences is to maybe help one person, selfish of me?
Can I help
one person know that it is better to see a prisoners outfit on their child or
family member then to see them in their graduation suit/suit in a coffin?
It is okay to take a stand. It is okay to say no to your children. It is okay to take their vehicles away if you know
they are going to do something stupid. It is okay to be the “rat” now and be able
to see grandchildren one day.
We all know
drinking and driving kills and many know the pain of losing someone because
someone broke this law. I would never wish my pain or any of my families’ pain
on anyone.
Knowing you
are drinking and driving makes you a murderer today, we know too much about
being under the influence while driving to call it anything else, but knowing
someone that drinks and drives and not doing anything about it, makes you an
accessory.
Please stop the person you know who drinks and drives.
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