When it comes to Recycle, Reuse and Renew almost anything goes.
Notice I said almost.
The people who work at Canadian Diabetes Association who have to drive around and load the boxes and heavy furniture that people leave laying around at the bins tend to have to load these items by themselves.
Remember, if it takes two of you to load the items and two people to unload the items without hurting themselves or damaging the items, chances are two people should be reloading and unloading as well, but usually only one person is loading your "donations" to keep the cost of wages down. This can damage the "donation" but more importantly it can cause accidents and injuries to those who have to work alone doing the job of two people.
An easy solution is to put smaller items in smaller boxes, do not overload bigger boxes or garbage bags and donate the furniture right to the store.
People say, "They should be grateful for the donation".
When much of your donation needs to be hauled to the landfill by hard workers at these wonderful organizations, gratefulness is hard when they have to throw away your trash you have put into your "donation".
These people who work for these awesome places do not deserve to sort through bags of clothing that are dirty, before donating clothing take the time to wash it. Many places do not have washers and dryers to do this job for you.
Sometimes it is easier for people to empty a toy-box into a garbage bag and "donate" it. People do not sort through and throw out the garbage toys...dolls missing arms or are "pretty" with marker makeup, those annoying fast food toys, Mr. Potato head that has no parts left except the potato part, one arm and an eye. These parts are not going to all magically appear in the bag/box you donate to the second hand places and if you cannot clean the marker off the doll, no one can.
Before you drop your donations off at a Salvation Army, the Post or Value Village think, "If I was in need would I buy this from a second hand store?"
If you cannot see yourself doing this, chances are, no one will buy what you are donating, while one mans trash is another mans treasure, many times garbage is just garbage.
What I mean by this is the condition of the item.
When they say "gently used" it means that there are no dents, cracks, rips or scratches in the donations, is the donation is worth buying?
Anyone who has shopped on a regular basis at these great places would know what they are always in need of or what they have too much of that is not selling.
If you want to donate, check out these great places and ask what kinds of things they need the most or what sells the most. Talking to the managers about your larger donations makes it easier on the workers to sort and organize, they know what to expect.
One place may sell sporting goods quickly, while other stores cannot sell them at all, if a store has tons of golf clubs chances are...they are not selling all that well, donating them to that store is only going to over crowd it.
After a garage sale, after cleaning out the children's rooms or after someone has passed away do not throw your "leftovers" into boxes and donate them unless you know they are worth donating and not going to end up in a landfill.
Splitting your donation up may help different charities and save from things being tossed into the garbage.
Some charitable organizations/stores will not sell glassware/items that have alcoholic logos on it, find out which stores will before donating these things as some will throw these out instead of selling them.
It might be a bit more of a hassle, but in the long run it helps the charities, the environment, the needy and it can help you feel better knowing the things you have donated are being used.
The Salvation Army does amazing work for many people, there are so many programs for the less fortunate that they help with. To keep their costs down, don't make them go through your trash and take it to the dumps for you.
These people work very hard to go through the good donations that come in, it is a waste of their time and a waste of foundation funds for paying these people who have to deal with your trash.
Making a charitable organization take your garbage to the dumps because you don't have the time or the want to do it is selfish don't you think?
In my opinion, if you are donating it because you are too cheap to take it to the landfill yourself, shame on you.
Cloaking Clouds
Saturday 30 August 2014
Sunday 17 August 2014
Small Steps to Help your Loved One without Hurting You
I do not want to discourage people from seeking out better information, but here are a few simple ideas about when to talk to your loved one and what to discuss with your loved one about their depression.
Talk to your loved one when they are not depressed about their depression.
When they are depressed, they do not want to talk to you or anyone about their depression. It doesn't need to be "depressing" to talk about. Discuss what steps you think need to be taken when you see them going into a depression, ask them what they would like you to do when they and you know they are going into a depression.
At this time, Get a key to their home. One of the worst feelings is guilt, when a survivor says I walked away because they told me to go away. No matter what they do or say, do not walk away.
Do not take things personally.
Do not throw things back at them. If they have said something during a past depression, they were frustrated, angry or hurt...they were lashing out and only want to hurt someone. Do not use that against them later. Not months later, not years later. It will only damage your relationship even more.
I know I have been accused of saying and doing many things when I was in major depressions, especially right before I tried to commit suicide. Before I ended up in the hospital for ECT treatments after almost succeeding the last time I had written letters to all my siblings, that has pushed all of them away.
Things I have said during Bi-Polar manic phases have been used against me, things I do not remember saying, things that people I love and that love me should know I wouldn't want them to do if they really knew me.
I have in the past gotten angry at people enough to tell them not to do or give things to my children when I was in a Bi-Polar episode, that now is being held over my head so that even congratulating my daughter on her son who was born over a year ago is a chore. If my family and friends really knew me, they would know that I was angry, frustrated, having a difficult time and I really did not mean what I said.
Like many people say and do things when they are angry and frustrated adding a mental disease onto that makes it even worse because it tends to come out like we actually mean what we say. The only way people can tell is if they are informed and know their loved one enough to say, "hey, that isn't you talking, you don't mean that, I know you don't."
Talk calmly. Yelling back at them isn't going to solve anything and escalates the situation. Try to avoid topics that you know are depressing to them and gradually move them away from those topics if they are talking about them.Talk about things they have fun doing, it can be hard to get those people to do those kinds of things sometimes.
I know a person in particular who you can constantly ask them to do something and they always have an excuse why they can't, they have learned to say "no" too well and learned how to make excuses too well that people have given up asking them to come over or to go out. Why ask when the answer is always no?
Rejection goes both ways. We, my children and I, are not going to keep being told no...keep being rejected and be okay with it. We will stop calling, we will stop coming over. As everyone would.
Call someone who lives close to your loved one or make that difficult call to the police if you feel they are not safe alone.
Sometimes when your loved one seems to be too depressed to console or you are not the person who is able to calm them down and it takes someone other than you to make the difference or if you live too far away to go to your loved one you have to make the difference by calling another person who lives closer.
If you cannot get a hold of someone, a friend or family member, calling the police may be your only option...but it is the right option. You are better off having your loved one angry at you for having an officer show up at their door for awhile then have them committing suicide because you chose to think they are just throwing a temper tantrum for attention or are just angry at you for no reason.
Take care of you, especially if you have an issue with depression or a mental disease yourself.
Many healthy people can disassociate themselves and be able to help someone then walk away from a depressed person without having any issues themselves, some work as councilors and doctors.
When you suffer from a mental disease or depression yourself and you have someone in your life that is suffering from depression, sometimes it is in your best interest to let others handle that depression. You need to stay healthy and you cannot do that if you try to help someone who does not want to be helped. It is better for you and them if you keep a distance in this type of situation, especially if you are one of those people who are a "fixer".
Talking with them is a good thing, but allowing them to lay their burdens, especially if they are blaming those burdens on you, is not.
If they are not ready to let go of things they cannot fix and fix the things they can, you cannot do that for them and you cannot make them. It will make you sick trying, so it is best you keep a distance for your mental health.
Stay focused on what makes you happy, keep doing the things you enjoy and maybe they will see what really counts and will decide to rejoin life and be happy again with you.
Just like cancer and heart disease, there are treatments for depression, it does not have to end in death.
Talk to your loved one when they are not depressed about their depression.
When they are depressed, they do not want to talk to you or anyone about their depression. It doesn't need to be "depressing" to talk about. Discuss what steps you think need to be taken when you see them going into a depression, ask them what they would like you to do when they and you know they are going into a depression.
At this time, Get a key to their home. One of the worst feelings is guilt, when a survivor says I walked away because they told me to go away. No matter what they do or say, do not walk away.
Do not take things personally.
Do not throw things back at them. If they have said something during a past depression, they were frustrated, angry or hurt...they were lashing out and only want to hurt someone. Do not use that against them later. Not months later, not years later. It will only damage your relationship even more.
I know I have been accused of saying and doing many things when I was in major depressions, especially right before I tried to commit suicide. Before I ended up in the hospital for ECT treatments after almost succeeding the last time I had written letters to all my siblings, that has pushed all of them away.
Things I have said during Bi-Polar manic phases have been used against me, things I do not remember saying, things that people I love and that love me should know I wouldn't want them to do if they really knew me.
I have in the past gotten angry at people enough to tell them not to do or give things to my children when I was in a Bi-Polar episode, that now is being held over my head so that even congratulating my daughter on her son who was born over a year ago is a chore. If my family and friends really knew me, they would know that I was angry, frustrated, having a difficult time and I really did not mean what I said.
Like many people say and do things when they are angry and frustrated adding a mental disease onto that makes it even worse because it tends to come out like we actually mean what we say. The only way people can tell is if they are informed and know their loved one enough to say, "hey, that isn't you talking, you don't mean that, I know you don't."
Talk calmly. Yelling back at them isn't going to solve anything and escalates the situation. Try to avoid topics that you know are depressing to them and gradually move them away from those topics if they are talking about them.Talk about things they have fun doing, it can be hard to get those people to do those kinds of things sometimes.
I know a person in particular who you can constantly ask them to do something and they always have an excuse why they can't, they have learned to say "no" too well and learned how to make excuses too well that people have given up asking them to come over or to go out. Why ask when the answer is always no?
Rejection goes both ways. We, my children and I, are not going to keep being told no...keep being rejected and be okay with it. We will stop calling, we will stop coming over. As everyone would.
Call someone who lives close to your loved one or make that difficult call to the police if you feel they are not safe alone.
Sometimes when your loved one seems to be too depressed to console or you are not the person who is able to calm them down and it takes someone other than you to make the difference or if you live too far away to go to your loved one you have to make the difference by calling another person who lives closer.
If you cannot get a hold of someone, a friend or family member, calling the police may be your only option...but it is the right option. You are better off having your loved one angry at you for having an officer show up at their door for awhile then have them committing suicide because you chose to think they are just throwing a temper tantrum for attention or are just angry at you for no reason.
Take care of you, especially if you have an issue with depression or a mental disease yourself.
Many healthy people can disassociate themselves and be able to help someone then walk away from a depressed person without having any issues themselves, some work as councilors and doctors.
When you suffer from a mental disease or depression yourself and you have someone in your life that is suffering from depression, sometimes it is in your best interest to let others handle that depression. You need to stay healthy and you cannot do that if you try to help someone who does not want to be helped. It is better for you and them if you keep a distance in this type of situation, especially if you are one of those people who are a "fixer".
Talking with them is a good thing, but allowing them to lay their burdens, especially if they are blaming those burdens on you, is not.
If they are not ready to let go of things they cannot fix and fix the things they can, you cannot do that for them and you cannot make them. It will make you sick trying, so it is best you keep a distance for your mental health.
Stay focused on what makes you happy, keep doing the things you enjoy and maybe they will see what really counts and will decide to rejoin life and be happy again with you.
Just like cancer and heart disease, there are treatments for depression, it does not have to end in death.
Friday 15 August 2014
Depression is a Disease-Disease causes Death
In the end, if depression leads anyone from any walk of life to the form of death called suicide the effect is the same as losing someone to any other disease. The problem is after someone as well known as Robin Williams has been gone for awhile we will stop talking about depression, unlike other diseases, mental illness/disease is misunderstood people do not know what to expect.
I hear some people I know saying..."oh jeez, she has turned this tragedy into something about her again, she ALWAYS does this...me, me, me...its all about her", but if I had written about my understanding of why Mr. Williams chose his ending, if I had wrote about his view point that would have been wrong as well by these people, you would hear..."oh jeez, how would she know what a famous actor is going through? How dare she compare herself to someone who has the pressure like Robin Williams did".
Cancer is mutated cells, but depression, mental illness/disease has to do with the brain. Researching and testing on the brain can't be an easy thing to do when a person is alive and after they are gone, how can you tell what is going on?
People can 'fake' mental illness/disease right? People pretend to have a breakdown, people pretend to have a mental illness/disease and people actually believe that we, the mentally ill, do this all the time, we are pretending. We pretend to be sick to get attention, we are "throwing temper tantrums" to get attention. It isn't like cancer, you can't 'fake' cancer. So how do you know when a person is really sick? When they are really going down into a real depression? There are signs, but you have to be informed.
How many of us talk to the loved one that has depression about their depression? How many of us are willing to talk to our loved ones doctors when we see the symptoms of depression? How many of us are willing to take our loved ones to emergency if their loved one stops doing the things they used to do and are always in bed crying and never eating? How many of us are willing to make that call to the police if we think our loved one is in danger of hurting themselves?
How many of us are willing to sit all night with a loved one...a friend, brother, sister, niece, nephew, uncle, aunt or cousin...anyone who needed us to be that one person to get that person over the hump of a breakdown that could cause you to permanently lose them?
A Great Aunt of mine suffered from depression as well, we used to talk until all hours of the night about our "bad times". It helped talking to an older person who could relate to my fears. She knew what I was feeling when I talked about losing family to this disease. She understood what I meant when I talked about pushing family away, being angry for no reason, crying for no reason, being paranoid for no reason, feeling like no one cared for no reason. I miss having her to talk to.
The mentally ill having each other to talk to is great, we help each other in many ways. Having our family and friends standing beside us, nonjudgmental and understanding that we are slipping down into a depression when we are always so close to tears, when the little things upset us, when we stop wanting to see them and when we become angry at stupid things, is what can save us in the end.
I hear some people I know saying..."oh jeez, she has turned this tragedy into something about her again, she ALWAYS does this...me, me, me...its all about her", but if I had written about my understanding of why Mr. Williams chose his ending, if I had wrote about his view point that would have been wrong as well by these people, you would hear..."oh jeez, how would she know what a famous actor is going through? How dare she compare herself to someone who has the pressure like Robin Williams did".
Cancer is mutated cells, but depression, mental illness/disease has to do with the brain. Researching and testing on the brain can't be an easy thing to do when a person is alive and after they are gone, how can you tell what is going on?
People can 'fake' mental illness/disease right? People pretend to have a breakdown, people pretend to have a mental illness/disease and people actually believe that we, the mentally ill, do this all the time, we are pretending. We pretend to be sick to get attention, we are "throwing temper tantrums" to get attention. It isn't like cancer, you can't 'fake' cancer. So how do you know when a person is really sick? When they are really going down into a real depression? There are signs, but you have to be informed.
How many of us talk to the loved one that has depression about their depression? How many of us are willing to talk to our loved ones doctors when we see the symptoms of depression? How many of us are willing to take our loved ones to emergency if their loved one stops doing the things they used to do and are always in bed crying and never eating? How many of us are willing to make that call to the police if we think our loved one is in danger of hurting themselves?
How many of us are willing to sit all night with a loved one...a friend, brother, sister, niece, nephew, uncle, aunt or cousin...anyone who needed us to be that one person to get that person over the hump of a breakdown that could cause you to permanently lose them?
A Great Aunt of mine suffered from depression as well, we used to talk until all hours of the night about our "bad times". It helped talking to an older person who could relate to my fears. She knew what I was feeling when I talked about losing family to this disease. She understood what I meant when I talked about pushing family away, being angry for no reason, crying for no reason, being paranoid for no reason, feeling like no one cared for no reason. I miss having her to talk to.
The mentally ill having each other to talk to is great, we help each other in many ways. Having our family and friends standing beside us, nonjudgmental and understanding that we are slipping down into a depression when we are always so close to tears, when the little things upset us, when we stop wanting to see them and when we become angry at stupid things, is what can save us in the end.
Thursday 14 August 2014
Suicide is not a Sin, It is caused by a Disease.
Many say that suicide is a cop-out. I hate that word, suicide. Others say it is selfish. Just like a stroke is caused by a blood clot, suicide is caused by depression.
Many people do not know what it feels like to get to the lowest point in their lives that they feel the world would be better with them not in it.
I will not speak for Mr. Robin Williams, but I can tell you my experience when it comes to suicide attempts.
Chemical imbalances can reek havoc on lives. A person who seems fine one minute can snap in a blink of an eye if something sets them off. You may never know what did it, they may never know either and you have every right to not want that unpredictability in your life, even if it is a loved one.
The problem that happens is many people think that the mentally ill are full of self pity, they are stuck on thinking only of themselves and what they can do and get for themselves. People think their loved one is only considering themselves in a suicide attempt, that is not always true.
When it has come to the point in my life where the chemical imbalances are so severe and I am so far in a Manic Phase I tend to do and say things that hurt the people I care about the most. Fair? No, nothing in life is fair.
People chose not to understand that the chemical imbalance is not allowing me to think things out clearly and those things I am saying are not me, they are my worst fears coming to the front and not allowing me to be the happy me.
In time those thoughts can become worse without a medication change (which does take time to take effect as well) and without constant support from councilors, doctors and loved ones, depressions happen off and on again on a cycling basis so it is a lifestyle change that needs to happen.
I have had former friends and family say, "get over it", they say, "what do have to feel sad about you have everything you need or want", they say, "you are selfish for not thinking of the people you will leave behind".
The lifestyle change means leaving behind the past. It means leaving the negative stuff that pulls you down into a depression. It means choosing to live and think about good, positive things...leaving negative heartaches behind, because the negative people, past and thoughts only take you back on a downward spiral.
Living in a depressing past doesn't take you to a fun future. Trying to do something you enjoy again while in a depression is hard, but it can help you take those important baby steps out of that depression.
But even in a severe depression, hearing positive thoughts like you write well or your a great mom, it just makes daily things harder to cope with and I push away, pull the covers over the head and hide.
It does not matter how much good a person does in the world when they are in a severe depression and is considering suicide, all they may be looking back at is the damage they have done to the ones they love the most. They do not see the great things they have accomplished in their lives.
With no support system, no family or friends telling them that the harmful things they have done is in the past and they will always have them as support that these family and friends understand it is a disease controlling them, only the bad things may stay in the head of those who are severely depressed enough to commit suicide.
Many people who become severe enough to commit suicide attempt to push every single person out of our lives. In my case and many people I know we tend to alienate, we say and do things to push those we love the most away. That way, you won't be around to see us do it. Most times we accomplish our goal. To push everyone away so we can end our lives.
I only see the hurt I have caused and the hurt I see myself causing in the future when I hit that low in my life.
I have hit that low many times, because my disease will never go away. I will always have a disease that causes friction when my medications are not working up to snuff. I will always have episodes and now that I know what my triggers are and what signs to watch for I know when to make sure to talk to my doctors about my medications and talk to my councilor about my stressors.
When in a manic phase I try to do too much and I end up doing too much which ends up throwing me into a severe depression. I would love to be one of those people who can throw a Christmas Supper for the family, not something I can accomplish without me ending up in bed for three days afterwards. So I do not do it for my mental health. These are steps you learn when you are changing your lifestyle. Do what you can, change what you can, be what you can. Don't push yourself because other people expect you to.
That does not mean I won't "rage" again, it means I know what to watch for so I do not become so low again that I want to leave my children behind and if I do, those that love me enough to enlighten themselves to see the signs and symptoms of the severe depression that could cause a suicide attempt will know what to do besides run from the "conflict", the "confrontations" and the "crap"...they know how to help. They choose to stay, stand and help battle the disease that can sometimes control the brain God gave me.
Those are the people who know you are not thinking about yourself, they are the people who know you can't fix yourself over night or "just get over it" , they are the people who know that it is a disease you are fighting...not them.
I do not know about any other person who has tried to or has succeeded in committing suicide, but I know that when I have tried, my thoughts are "Please God, I am so tired of hurting those I love the most. I am tired of this disease, I cannot hurt my babies anymore, take me home."
The guilt someone carries with them when they come down from a manic phase and they realize the destruction they have done to their loved ones, the hell they have put their family through, the heart break they have caused...they want to stop that from ever happening again. At least, that is how I have felt.
I don't think about how it would stop hurting me, I think about how it would stop hurting my children when I consider suicide as an escape from this world. I start to think that maybe my estranged family will then start to spend time with my children, because then I am not there to be a problem in anyone's life.
If you have never been to the lowest point in your life where you feel that your loved ones would be better off without you, you have no idea what it is like to live with mental disease.
Compassion and support is what you can offer a family member who is suffering from a mental disease. At their lowest, even when they are saying cruel things many may be trying to spare their loved ones the future heartaches they know they will inflict on each and every one of those family and friends.
Looking back, I have seen the destruction my disease and choices I have made because of my disease has caused over the last 30 years. Family and friends I have lost.
People say we need to talk more about mental illness/disease. That isn't the problem, there is lots of information out there...the problem is no one wants to learn about mental illness/disease. It is easier to believe that the person is behaving badly and can learn to control their behavior then to learn how to help.
As I said on my daughters facebook post, People don't want to admit they have missed seeing the symptoms of a depressed loved one. They do not want to admit they chose to give into anger and resentment instead of realizing that the person was pushing them away so that the loved on could commit suicide without feeling guilt. People push their loved ones away before committing suicide...very first clue someone is thinking of suicide, they instigate fights with friends and family or they stop seeing them all together. Worst thing real family and friends can do is give in to the loved one.
Suicide caused by depression is not an option for me at this time in my life, but I understand the draw towards the release that Mr. Williams felt. He succeeded where I have failed and there is a reason.
I believe that suicide is not a sin, I would be dead by now if there wasn't reasons for everything. It was Robin Williams time, whether it had been from depression or passing in his sleep, it was his time.
Thank you for my smiles in the past and most assuredly my smiles while watching movies you have made in the future with children and grandchildren. You made this world a better place.
Many people do not know what it feels like to get to the lowest point in their lives that they feel the world would be better with them not in it.
I will not speak for Mr. Robin Williams, but I can tell you my experience when it comes to suicide attempts.
Chemical imbalances can reek havoc on lives. A person who seems fine one minute can snap in a blink of an eye if something sets them off. You may never know what did it, they may never know either and you have every right to not want that unpredictability in your life, even if it is a loved one.
The problem that happens is many people think that the mentally ill are full of self pity, they are stuck on thinking only of themselves and what they can do and get for themselves. People think their loved one is only considering themselves in a suicide attempt, that is not always true.
When it has come to the point in my life where the chemical imbalances are so severe and I am so far in a Manic Phase I tend to do and say things that hurt the people I care about the most. Fair? No, nothing in life is fair.
People chose not to understand that the chemical imbalance is not allowing me to think things out clearly and those things I am saying are not me, they are my worst fears coming to the front and not allowing me to be the happy me.
In time those thoughts can become worse without a medication change (which does take time to take effect as well) and without constant support from councilors, doctors and loved ones, depressions happen off and on again on a cycling basis so it is a lifestyle change that needs to happen.
I have had former friends and family say, "get over it", they say, "what do have to feel sad about you have everything you need or want", they say, "you are selfish for not thinking of the people you will leave behind".
The lifestyle change means leaving behind the past. It means leaving the negative stuff that pulls you down into a depression. It means choosing to live and think about good, positive things...leaving negative heartaches behind, because the negative people, past and thoughts only take you back on a downward spiral.
Living in a depressing past doesn't take you to a fun future. Trying to do something you enjoy again while in a depression is hard, but it can help you take those important baby steps out of that depression.
But even in a severe depression, hearing positive thoughts like you write well or your a great mom, it just makes daily things harder to cope with and I push away, pull the covers over the head and hide.
It does not matter how much good a person does in the world when they are in a severe depression and is considering suicide, all they may be looking back at is the damage they have done to the ones they love the most. They do not see the great things they have accomplished in their lives.
With no support system, no family or friends telling them that the harmful things they have done is in the past and they will always have them as support that these family and friends understand it is a disease controlling them, only the bad things may stay in the head of those who are severely depressed enough to commit suicide.
Many people who become severe enough to commit suicide attempt to push every single person out of our lives. In my case and many people I know we tend to alienate, we say and do things to push those we love the most away. That way, you won't be around to see us do it. Most times we accomplish our goal. To push everyone away so we can end our lives.
I only see the hurt I have caused and the hurt I see myself causing in the future when I hit that low in my life.
I have hit that low many times, because my disease will never go away. I will always have a disease that causes friction when my medications are not working up to snuff. I will always have episodes and now that I know what my triggers are and what signs to watch for I know when to make sure to talk to my doctors about my medications and talk to my councilor about my stressors.
When in a manic phase I try to do too much and I end up doing too much which ends up throwing me into a severe depression. I would love to be one of those people who can throw a Christmas Supper for the family, not something I can accomplish without me ending up in bed for three days afterwards. So I do not do it for my mental health. These are steps you learn when you are changing your lifestyle. Do what you can, change what you can, be what you can. Don't push yourself because other people expect you to.
That does not mean I won't "rage" again, it means I know what to watch for so I do not become so low again that I want to leave my children behind and if I do, those that love me enough to enlighten themselves to see the signs and symptoms of the severe depression that could cause a suicide attempt will know what to do besides run from the "conflict", the "confrontations" and the "crap"...they know how to help. They choose to stay, stand and help battle the disease that can sometimes control the brain God gave me.
Those are the people who know you are not thinking about yourself, they are the people who know you can't fix yourself over night or "just get over it" , they are the people who know that it is a disease you are fighting...not them.
I do not know about any other person who has tried to or has succeeded in committing suicide, but I know that when I have tried, my thoughts are "Please God, I am so tired of hurting those I love the most. I am tired of this disease, I cannot hurt my babies anymore, take me home."
The guilt someone carries with them when they come down from a manic phase and they realize the destruction they have done to their loved ones, the hell they have put their family through, the heart break they have caused...they want to stop that from ever happening again. At least, that is how I have felt.
I don't think about how it would stop hurting me, I think about how it would stop hurting my children when I consider suicide as an escape from this world. I start to think that maybe my estranged family will then start to spend time with my children, because then I am not there to be a problem in anyone's life.
If you have never been to the lowest point in your life where you feel that your loved ones would be better off without you, you have no idea what it is like to live with mental disease.
Compassion and support is what you can offer a family member who is suffering from a mental disease. At their lowest, even when they are saying cruel things many may be trying to spare their loved ones the future heartaches they know they will inflict on each and every one of those family and friends.
Looking back, I have seen the destruction my disease and choices I have made because of my disease has caused over the last 30 years. Family and friends I have lost.
People say we need to talk more about mental illness/disease. That isn't the problem, there is lots of information out there...the problem is no one wants to learn about mental illness/disease. It is easier to believe that the person is behaving badly and can learn to control their behavior then to learn how to help.
As I said on my daughters facebook post, People don't want to admit they have missed seeing the symptoms of a depressed loved one. They do not want to admit they chose to give into anger and resentment instead of realizing that the person was pushing them away so that the loved on could commit suicide without feeling guilt. People push their loved ones away before committing suicide...very first clue someone is thinking of suicide, they instigate fights with friends and family or they stop seeing them all together. Worst thing real family and friends can do is give in to the loved one.
Suicide caused by depression is not an option for me at this time in my life, but I understand the draw towards the release that Mr. Williams felt. He succeeded where I have failed and there is a reason.
I believe that suicide is not a sin, I would be dead by now if there wasn't reasons for everything. It was Robin Williams time, whether it had been from depression or passing in his sleep, it was his time.
Thank you for my smiles in the past and most assuredly my smiles while watching movies you have made in the future with children and grandchildren. You made this world a better place.
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