Just Because I Look Normal, Doesn't Mean My Brain is…

Many people misinterpret brain diseased people because of what they look like. Most people with mental disease look like normal individuals.

While we can see and understand for the most part when a child has downs syndrome, many other mental disabilities do not have physical characteristics. 

For the most part, my everyday life is pretty normal. I “look” normal, I “talk” normal and I “do” things normally…until I go into a Bi-polar manic phase or a Bi-polar depression. Then things start to become off the wall.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2014/09/18/bipolar-disorder-ellen-forney_n_5823138.html?ncid=fcbklnkushpmg00000046&ir=Women

This article says it all for me.

Another excellent example is a child with high functioning autism. These children can suffer a great deal in the school system and with their peers when there is no education in why a child can “look” normal, but not “act” normal. Without educating staff at schools and especially the peers many of these children are left behind mentally, emotionally and physically.

It all goes back to what mental disease looks like.

The child LOOKS like a normal teenage boy. He is High Functioning Autistic, so can be confused with a normal child misbehaving. His voice is cracking like any normal young mans, he has a full head of hair, he walks and talks, he laughs and he cries. But sometimes, his disease, Autism, shines through. When it did, these people assumed that because he LOOKED normal, he should ACT normal and so he was just ACTING out instead of it being his disease causing an issue.

Different types of “misbehaving” that people might confuse acting out to a chemical imbalance could be the “rages”. Chemical imbalances can cause so many types of issues in our bodies that people do not understand, “rages” are definitely one of them. These are classed as temper tantrums to most people.

Some of the people who have been honest with me about when I have had a rage have explained what I have said and done during a rage. There have been times where people have told me of the same types of things happening with my grandmother, who was also Bi-Polar. Saying and doing things we normally would not do, but once again, our brains are telling us it is the right thing to do or the right thing to say.

Looking back to when I was very young, my mother would tell me that there were times where I would, for no reason, hold my breath. I wouldn't be upset, I wasn't hurt, but she explained that I would be breathing funny and all of a sudden I would hit a certain pitch and quit breathing, at which time I would faint. I wonder now if it wasn't panic attacks, this was happening before the age of 7, maybe a symptom of poor brain development or an overload on a brain not capable of handling the information?

Today I will deal with severe migraines after “thinking” too long, especially when I write. So writing is something I try to space out over a few days.

These are not “normal” things for a “normal” brain to do. Normal people do get headaches, but not headaches that put them in bed for days after writing papers. Normal people do not go into rages because a child falls off a swing from a sibling pushing too hard, they have a bad dream or they do not listen when you tell them to do something.

Medications do help by allowing our bodies to have the chemicals that are missing, but those medications do not always work, time, constantly trying new medications and the "hit and miss" philosophy comes into effect with meds. They also have side effects that can cause problems themselves or they can actually stop working and you have to start on other medications. It is a vicious cycle that I would not wish on anyone who has the luck of a NORMAL life.

When you are mentally ill, acting “normal” when you really are not, is not as easy as the normal family member or friend of a mentally ill person wants it to be. I have been told many times to “Grow up”, “Control myself”, and “Behave Myself” and the problem with these statements is that the people saying them do not understand that I wish with all my heart I could.

These statements do a lot of harm because I start to wonder why I cannot control myself, why I don’t grow up, how come I don’t behave myself. Without my counselling I end up in very deep depressions to the point of suicide because I believe I am a bad person because I say and do things I believe are okay when I am in Manic phases when they are not. Where counselling helps me realize that while I have control over some issues, my disease does contribute too many of the behavioral issues that have caused these people to say these statements.

I may look like a normal 43 year old mother and grandmother, but I have brain function issues that I would not wish on my worst enemy.

Expecting someone who has poor brain function to act normal is like asking yourself to do something that you yourself have never been trained to do.

http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2014/09/19/depression-symptoms_n_5849920.html?ir=Canada+Living

Growing up, my family could tell you that I fought every single symptom on the list in my teen years.

I remember being disgusted with myself because I could not get out of bed when my family members would call me to get ready for school, I would lie in bed crying because I did not have the energy to even dress myself or the opposite sometime I would not be able to sleep all night, staring at the walls all night then not be able to get up in the mornings from lack of sleep. 

I remember never wanting to take care of myself hygiene wise, teachers pulling me aside to talk about it. I remember never feeling happy about anything, always looking at the negative side of even the good things in my life always unhappy.

I remember never eating properly, I still don't when I go into a Bi-Polar Depression. I remember always losing interest in the things I loved to do and I still do this when depression hits me.

I remember having issues concentrating on doing school work/homework and even now when I am not myself, concentrating on what I am doing is hard to control.

I thought of suicide many times when I was younger and have thought of suicide many times since.

My siblings and cousins could tell you how irritable I could and can become at the drop of a hat when depression is at my door and especially when I am manic.

I was always suffering from stomach aches and headaches as a teenager. I had issues with my memory back then and even now my memory is very bad. I cut myself as a teenager and after moving out of my parents home at the age of 16 and until I was in my early 20s alcohol was my drug of choice.

A reminder to everyone...Mental disease is/can be hereditary. It runs in families like any other disease does. You might think that your children are safe because it is your wife's cousin on her mothers side that is a little nuts...it doesn't mean a thing...inform yourself, just in case. Better safe then sorry isn't that the old saying?

I have survived 43 years so far, I might have lost some people along the way, but I survived and there are others out there like me.