1975 Pay= 2015 Pay

http://www.cbc.ca/news/business/minimum-wage-jobs-pay-roughly-the-same-as-they-did-in-1975-1.2708717

http://www.statcan.gc.ca/daily-quotidien/140716/dq140716b-eng.htm

When our working poor are making the same amount as they did 40 years ago, but the price of everything from homes to vehicles has been marked up at least 100%, how do you expect the working poor to get ahead at all?

My children are making the same amount as their grandparents and great grandparents did in the '70s, They do not have to deal with the cost of a home being $15,000-$30,000 to purchase and rent it isn't $100-$500 a month but having to deal with the housing of $150,000-$500,000 to buy and to rent being as high as $3000 a month.

We have stopped producing low earners. 

This may sound like the stupidest thing anyone has heard, but I began to wonder why someone would have to work 3 jobs. I understand the money situation and that there are that many low paying positions available, but I also started considering WHY?

Baby boomers parents came from a generation where their parents were sometimes having 7 to 20 children. For instance, my grandmother came from a family of 13 children with the loss of twins at the start of the family. That is a lot of workers and while they are retired now, some are still alive.

My grandmother’s generation, because many families grew up with so many children, did not have a lot of extras, so they tried to install in their children how important it was to earn a good wage, not work at those jobs that you are only making minimum wage; which is important. She and grandpa only had 4 children and that was called the Baby Boomer years. Now that is Funny.

So we went from 7-20 children in a poor to middle base incomes to 3-6 children in that same class base.

Baby Boomers, how many children did you have? I believe if you look at the average household of baby boomers that are on the verge of retiring at an income of $75,000+/year at this time in their life they will have 0 to 4 children.

Again, a drop in the procreation of the working poor/middle class, why?

Two things happen when we do this. The first, because the working poor do not make much, we teach our children from an early age that they need to get into a profession that will make them money, eg. Get into politics, lawyer, dentist, doctors, professional sports, a trade…something that is going to support them and their family better than how they lived and how their parents lived and so on.

Because minimum wage is only a quarter of what a lowest paid professional would make, NO ONE wants to do those jobs.

So what happens, many of those baby boomer children and many of those children of the baby boomers become professionals.

We are left with minimum paying jobs that instead of having 7 to 20 workers doing we now have 2 to 4 workers doing, which is actually less because many of those 2 to 4 workers have become professionals and are in the middle to rich classes.

Two…

We know children cost money, so we don’t have as many. We don’t have as many so we are not repopulating the work force.

Those who are living in the working poor are not able to do things like:

·        Pay bills on time many times

·        Buy any type of home

·        Have our cars fixed so we can get to work safely without going into debt or putting aside another bill

·        Save for our retirements

·        Save for a rainy day

·        Go on vacations…which does not bother us, it is just a point I want to make clear that if you can do this, save, and pay bills…you aren’t poor you are middle class.

·        Pay for extracurricular activities for children

My generation, Generation X and the last of the Baby Boomers, have been accused of flooding the work  force with working poor who are now living off the Middle/Rich class taxpayers. If that were true we wouldn't need immigrant workers now would we?

I have 2 children and two step children that I helped support. My older two have a different mother. They are in their early 20’s. Their careers, for the most part, rely on the oil industry.

My daughter has been laid off. She was on maternity leave last year so will get nothing from Employment Insurance, or at least very little. Her significant other has been laid off as well, but they will be making a quarter of their income on Employment Insurance, if not less. That is working poor.

Could they better themselves, you bet, but who will be doing their jobs? And really, Why should they have to? Their jobs are just as important as anyone other persons. A lawyer could not do my daughter or my son-in-laws jobs properly without the training, so why are they paid such a great deal less? Is their job easier? You don’t have to be as “educated”, but that doesn't mean it is easier.

My son says he will be fine he is still working, but I still worry because not long ago he was in a car accident where he was rear ended and he had to live off his savings for a while, which is now gone.

My son, 17, is graduating this year. He really enjoys welding and we have encouraged him to follow that career. It doesn't guarantee he will be middle class, but it does mean he may be one of those higher paid working poor, so instead of making $10 an hour he might make $30.

Will they have children?

My daughter is 13, but she is adamant that she in no way shape or form wants children, which can change, she is young.

But again…This means less people going into the work force if she still feels this way in 10 to 20 years.

Yes, some in these generations have had more children. While I only helped support and raise 4 children, my best friend has helped support and raise 9 in total in some way shape or form. But on average, we are not having as many children.

We are doing it to ourselves.

We are allowing our working poor to live on less because we believe they deserve less.

So those who are the working poor have fewer children to fill those working poor jobs or teach their few children to go for professional jobs to get out of the rut of being the working poor, not a bad thing but still causing a shortage in the number of people working those teaching, nursing, janitor, bus driver, Wal-mart, fast-food positions.

I will give you a hint, if Costco can pay their workers a living wage and benefits and if other countries can make businesses pay living wages…our “democratic” governments can make Wal-mart and McDonalds as well.

What are the benefits of companies like Wal-mart paying living wages and benefits?

Your tax dollars do not go to paying for the working poor living off the system…BONUS!

Those children that my generation and the generations of working poor after me would not need your tax dollars for the basics of life like groceries and utilities so that we can fix our vehicles to get to those jobs without having to worry about the car dying, the furnace quitting or the toilet plugging up if they were paid a living wage.

Your tax dollars should then be put into Canada Pension Plan/Social Security, education, taking care of our military peoples, health care, transportation, job creation, Right?

The working poor are not expecting or asking for enough to take elaborate vacations, $50,000 vehicles or even $400,000 homes.

They are asking for enough not to have to worry about the car, the baby or the house, the food, the utilities...and they shouldn't have to.

Who is Cleaning Your Toilet?

When the Middle, Rich and Mega Rich classes tell the Poor class they shouldn't procreate it leaves me to wonder…

Who do you think is going to clean your toilets?

For the most part the Middle class do this on their own at home, but think about it this way, who does it in the Malls, Restaurants, theaters, Hotels or Casinos you enjoy using?

I wonder…

Which class of citizens do the Middle/Rich/Mega-Rich believe make the beds in the Hotels they stay in when they vacation in their favorite destination spot? Which class of citizens rings your bill up and hands you those bags of groceries every time you visit a grocery store?

I read comments all the time from Middle/Rich and Mega Rich individuals who believe the poor should stop having children if we cannot afford them, we should have to have a licence to have children in the first place.

What these individuals do not consider is who after our generations are gone and we are not allowed to procreate unless told to is going to clean up after them, cook for them, stock the shelves for them…basically do the manual labor?

Can you see a Lawyer, after spending the night in a $500/night hotel room, washing the bedding and cleaning the room before he leaves the hotel for the day? Can you see yourself cleaning the isles in the movie theater and washing the sinks and toilets after the movie?

Those jobs are done by the working poor, whose children are usually the ones who take over those crappy jobs, thank you very much, unless WE parents drill it into their heads that they are worth more and can be more, the working poor’s children will end up as the working poor right after us…serving the Middle/Rich/Mega Rich Classes.

Before you try telling the poor classes to stop having children, remember who is handing you that coffee, making that bed or cooking that meal at your favorite restaurant, because most likely it isn’t your wife or husband if your family is making over $100,000.

And think, should the working poor have to worry about whether they can pay the utility bill or have the car breaks fixed so they can get to their job safely?

Where are You Buying Your Beer Saskatchewan?

When it comes to liquor privatization the "Nay" sayers do not tell you a lot and leave out a little.

The biggest thing they leave out is that they would lose their cushy incomes. It is a government job and a union job so privatizing liquor would take away their high income jobs. Plain and Simple.

They leave out that it would create more jobs. More liquor stores mean more jobs.

They leave out that in Alberta much of the profit still goes to the School system, child protection, roads, long term care. I dare you to compare these services here in Saskatchewan to Alberta at this time or at any time in the past. 

Privatization of alcohol would not affect, it might even help, these programs. When was the last time you heard about Senior abuse in Alberta? It happens, but there are many more complexes in Alberta that handle Seniors. Many seniors from Saskatchewan chose to retire in Alberta, many have retired in my home town of Medicine Hat. They live out their days in peace, not afraid like they are here.

Road conditions in Alberta are 100x better than in Saskatchewan.

The hospitals in most communities can handle delivering babies, not so here in Saskatchewan. Not one doctor in Kindersley is allowed to deliver a baby, women have to travel to Saskatoon to give birth. Are the doctors in Kindersley, or any small town, not qualified to help a woman give birth?

I won’t speak towards your school system, my daughter has only been in a rural school here in Saskatchewan and I adore the school she is in, but the school system in Alberta I had 4 children in at one time and have one graduating from this year has done everything it can to help my children accomplish their goals to the best of their abilities.

Any time I or my children have been a patient at a hospital we have come come first when we need the attention.

What people tend to forget is that there are those who are worse off then us sometimes. Sometimes when we are sitting in a waiting room of an Emergency room we are going to have to sit a little longer than most because our issue is not as severe as the person next to us. We need to decide whether our attention needs to be dealt with immediately, which is what an Emergency room is for, or whether we can wait until the next day.

The Profits that liquor sales bring in benefit all, but when I can purchase the same type of beer in Alberta $7.00 cheaper than here in Saskatchewan, do you really think that is fair to lose the income here?

I personally cannot drink because of my medications, but we know there are those who go to Alberta to shop on a regular basis, we know that they buy their alcohol there. How much money are they putting into Alberta's economy and you are losing because of your higher prices?

The only reason the prices of alcohol are so much higher here in Saskatchewan is to pay for the governmental union workers who sell the alcohol in the store.

Privatizing alcohol in Saskatchewan makes sense. The jobs it would create would be at lower incomes but there would be more of them. The price of alcohol would drop and people would not have to cross border shop for it, taking money AWAY from your schools, hospitals, child protection, roads and long term care.

Tell me, how much money the liquor stores in Lloydminister make on the Saskatchewan side compared to the liquor stores on the Alberta side?

While I keep being told not to compare Alberta to Saskatchewan because “Saskatchewan is not Alberta”, Saskatchewanites seem to do it on a regular basis on Alberta's ill side. The only problem is, they do not seem to have the facts to back it up.

Saskatchewan wants to be like Alberta, but they do not want to study and follow Alberta's example.

Saskatchewan refuses to learn from Alberta's accomplishments and mistakes.
One of those accomplishments was privatizing alcohol sales. Study how they did it, learn from the accomplishments they were successful at and learn from their mistakes.

That is how Saskatchewan can grow to be prosperous. By learning from those who have done it first and learn from the mistakes they have made. 

Alberta is not perfect, they are going through their difficult times as well, but they have some very good examples that Saskatchewan can learn from.

Lower Price at the Pump=Massive Layoffs

The Saskatchewan Government isn't being as honest as it should with its people when it comes to the oil and gas price drop.

In Brad Wall’s televised speech he, of course, did not go into the details of how this down time is going to affect the industry itself.

He talked about how HIS government kept its promise of job creation, which it did…through the oil and gas industry.

You see MOST of those jobs that his government may have been responsible for creating has been in conjunction with keeping up with the boom of oil and gas.

From seeing first hand what happens when that industry slows down, being Albertan, Saskatchewan is in for a big surprise.

Brad Wall and his government are very proud of the fact that they have the “lowest” unemployment rate in the country. That will not be the case if the oil does not rebound immediately.

You will have massive layoffs, not just from the oil and gas companies like Cal-

Frac, Iron Horse, Haliburton, Element and Baker Hughes…these companies rely on other businesses to do the work they do.

Many of these companies sub-contract to other companies who then have their welders and class 1 drivers do the work for the bigger companies.

Companies like Vanko Oilfield Services in Kindersley, SK probably won’t need all their people to do repairs to pump jacks and maintenance to picker equipment, layoffs will happen. While REV Energy Services ltd out of Kerrobert, SK will need to keep some people on, not everyone will be keeping their jobs there either. Welding companies like Gremur Industries Ltd out of Maidstone, SK could have some tough times ahead as they deal with oilfield construction, people there will probably see their time shortened with the barrel of oil dropping to less than $53 as of January 4^th, 2015.

These massive and wealthy companies get their safety equipment and supplies from companies like Kost Fire Safety Ltd in Medicine Hat, AB that have trained personnel to care for this safety gear who make sure this gear works properly so no one will get hurt, they have other work for these people to do, but the money they make off the safety equipment will take a hit if the companies stop drilling.

These are just small companies who will lose jobs and income directly from the drop in the oil price that the Saskatchewan government is not being up front with you about, it isn’t just about their “budget”. There are the other industries that are going to take a massive hit.

Oil and gas companies like Baker Hughes and Cal-Frac spend millions of dollars on hotel rooms, restaurants and fuel themselves for their own workers who travel. 

Those new hotels and motels that are built and/or renovated in Kindersley,SK and elsewhere are going to lose money when road bans are put into place in Saskatchewan and these multi-million dollar companies start handing out pink slips. The restaurants and living accommodations are going to take a huge hit when the road bans are put in place. Rental accommodations are going to lose their renters who move back to where ever they came from because landlords here got greedy, charging exorbitant amounts of money for holes in the ground.

Gas stations are not going to have the company trucks pulling in to fuel up so the workers can head home to see their loved ones, they are already at home living off of unemployment.

Which brings me to my last point Saskatchewan; this has been a boost in your livelihoods. You have never seen this kind of money flowing through the coffers before. Many of your people have gone from making substandard wages to having wealth beyond knowledge. I hope they were smart enough to save and not blow it on huge houses and expensive cars/trucks/SUVs.

http://www.ctvnews.ca/canada/as-crude-prices-plummet-oilsands-workers-find-themselves-jobless-1.2176208

One of the biggest problems people face, especially people who have no experience with money, are that when they get money they want to spend that money. Alberta saw it in the 1980’s.

People lose their houses and vehicles because they do not budget for the price of oil dropping this low. They spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on building a dream home for their family with a mortgage payment that is outrageous, along with car payments for both adults (sometimes even the kids) and then the layoff happens.

Remember, you only receive 55% of your insurable earnings on Unemployment…BUT, there are stipulations, the Canadian government website http://www.servicecanada.gc.ca/eng/ei/types/regular.shtml#much…says, “As of January 1, 2014, the maximum insurable earnings amount is $48,600. This means that you can receive a maximum amount of$514 per week.”  

I hope your mortgage and car payments are not more than $2000 and that you have another income coming in to cover the cost of incidentals like food and utilities…or you are going to be flooding the market with brand new houses and that vehicle is not worth what you paid for it anymore, you now have to take what you can get for it.

So people of Saskatchewan, this is the first down time in the oil and gas for you. Those Albertans who moved here and have gone through this should be fine, if they used their heads. I hope that the Saskatchewan governments’ positive spin on bringing in the industry did not take away the sensibilities of the people.

The one good thing about oil and gas prices is that it can rebound whenever the United States government decides. So when they decide to stop policing the world you may get your jobs and livelihood back, hopefully this will happen before anyone loses their shirts.

The Rich will Always become Richer, if Allowed

In the late 12th century England's people were on the verge of revolution.

Under the oppression of being severely taxed the peoples of London and the surrounding area started secretly storing weapons in London. They were preparing for a war against their oppressors. 

The reasons for the taxes? War and the 3rd Crusade under their King...King Richard, Richard the Lion Heart, who some people today believe was the good king and was usurped by his brother John. Not so. 

Richard died of Gangrene from an arrow wound. King Richards greed is what caused the wound. After besieging the castle of Chaluz in Limousin where he laid claim to a treasure that did not exist because he had already drained his coffers.

Some people like to believe this was the time of Robin Hood. Others know differently, but this is not my point.

My point to this little history lesson is this, after many years of oppression under the taxation for sending a King to war with France or Germany or on the 3rd Crusade the people of England had enough. They revolted. 

Can we see history repeating itself in the near future? 

After over 800 years you would think that the governments of this world would realize that those who HAVE should be taxed and those who HAVE NOT should not be taxed as much.

After over 800 years you would think that the governments of this world would realize that those taxes should be going to things worth spending money on. 

Some examples would be educating our next generation. How about educating them on how to proved better energy resources? How about educating them on equality for all? How about educating them on tolerance? How about just EDUCATING them in general.

From where I stand we teach ignorance, inequality and bigotry. Which leads to bullying, which then leads to school shootings and suicides.

How about spending those taxes on our health care? Would taking care of the elderly, who worked to proved these great resources we now have, not be beneficial to all? Would taking care of our veterans not be respectful of what they have given up for us? Would taking care of those who cannot take care of themselves not make sense instead of them living off the streets, eating out of garbage cans?

From where I stand we allow our elderly, veterans and ill to suffer needlessly.

How about spending the taxes on the people instead of on wars? Wars on the other side of the world and wars in our own countries. We keep fighting because of inequality. Inequality that has not changed in over 800 years. 

I speak about countries like Norway where their education and health care are provided and I have people say "well yeah, but they have half their checks taken from them for taxes."

You are not listening to the numbers. Their minimum wages are $5 or more higher than ours, so basically they are taking home the same amount of money or more than we are and still getting the benefits we want to see. 

They have learned in the last 800 years that they HAVE to take care of the little people. The little people out number the rich, we know this, if they do not take care of the little people the little people get mad...and when that happens...well, every major country in Europe has felt a revolution at one time or another. 

The financial inequality that is happening in the U.S. is going to boil over very soon if the government does not start MAKING those who HAVE money...eg. the Koch's, the Walton's, etc. start paying living wages and start paying their fair share in taxes.   

The little people have never tried to overpowered the government and the rich in North America. While the rich and the government have had military backing them, I wouldn't count on them when you have done nothing to protect your veterans when they come home.

The United States of America has had a civil war, yes, but it has never had a revolution like England, France, Russia, etc have. You keep hearing how the little pee-ons out number the rich, you keep seeing the damage that happens when one white cop kills a black teenager. 

What is going to happen when Wal-mart employees do not get those raises? What is going to happen when your Republican government gives the rich more power, more tax breaks and taxes the hell out of the pee-ons? It is a pot waiting to boil over.

And Mr. Harper, what is Canada going to do? You are sending Canada down this same path by allowing the rich tax breaks and leaving the poor with nothing? Are we going to head down this road as well or are you going to stop it now and start taking a good look at countries like Norway who have set an example on how to treat the little people and make the changes that need to be made before it is too late?

Good Luck.  

Ministry of Social Services Needs overhaul in Saskatchewan

There are some departments in the Government of Saskatchewan that just need to be privatized from liquor to highways to insurance, but then there are those who need huge over hauls in Saskatchewan like the Ministry of Social Services.

While more on site social workers are desperately needed there is a bloating going on at the higher levels, I know my worker could probably use another in her area as she travels to surrounding areas, but the bloating happening at the higher levels where the offices are inflated with people doing the same jobs as the on site social workers who are working their butts off. The on site workers are essential.

When a person has to report their income twice to same Ministry there is a problem. Some of the programs the Ministry of Social Services in Saskatchewan are responsible for are Saskatchewan Assured Income for the Disabled, SAID. (It could take some lessons from AISH in Alberta.) Saskatchewan Assistance Program, SAP. Saskatchewan Employment Supplement, SES. Saskatchewan Rental Housing Supplement, SRHS and there are others but I won’t go on as you can see there are options for help, however the paperwork is enormous and not just at first…but constant especially when you qualify for more than one program, which no one will not tell you if you do or not, so you will live without for months or years living on less than the poverty line only to find out later from a stranger that you would qualify for another program as well.

I am on disability. I receive SAID and if you do not know, you have to qualify for this. My common-law works at a very low paying job as many employers in the area will not hire him because he has broken disks in his back which caused a degenerative disease from his previous job here in Saskatchewan and his union did nothing to help him, so we also qualify for another program run under the Ministry called Saskatchewan Employment Supplement, SES.

I originally moved to Saskatchewan to help him after he was hurt. I love the country, it helps me with my mental disease and I care about my friends enough to help when I can, something has grown between us and we have been honest about this with my worker.

Because of my disability, I receive just over $500/month from CPPD. I was receiving just over $300 from the SAID program before we changed our status. Now I receive $0 to $60/month depending on his wages which are less than $630 every two weeks (aprox. $1260/m take home)…Definitely no where near the average weekly wage of $800 that drew him to Saskatchewan in the first place 8 years ago and no, he was absolutely no where near making that at his last job either before he was hurt…With the SES program we will receive another $190-$250/month…which is basically what I lost from SAID.

We have to sign documents allowing these programs access of information to the other programs we are on, so it confuses me to the extent of paperwork we have to do to please this ministry.

Every month my partner drops off his pay stubs to be photocopied at my SAID workers office so they can decide how much I will receive from them and every month I have to call SES with the GROSS amount he made that month, plus every 3 months SES audits everything.  

This is extravagant governmental waste at its worst. Why make things difficult by making people screw around with departments within one ministry?

Is this just another ploy for the Saskatchewan Government to make things so difficult for the poor and disabled that they just give up and leave the province and find an easier province to live in?

I have it no where near as bad as some people in Saskatchewan but personally, I think it is time someone started speaking up and demanding answers as to why the waste of taxes to pay for so many people punching the same numbers into the Ministry of Social Services files. My family should have 1 file and be under 2 programs in that file. My income and my common-laws income should be entered into that file once a month by one worker. My audits should be done once a year or when my income changes to a great degree. If any income that is not taxable is not be included as income, like Child Tax Credit, then ALL income that is not taxable should not be included as income. What I receive from Canada Pension for my daughter is not taxable, but is still deducted from my SAID checks each month.

It makes it a more positive place to be when you can say there is low unemployment and high paying jobs in the province of Saskatchewan.

Not having unemployed people in your province happens when 1) you refuse to put in low income housing** where there is dire need of workers, like in Kindersley, Saskatchewan for example…and 2) the people on unemployment (whether it be from regular benefits which are A LOT longer than sick/disability benefits…which never really made sense to me), are kicked off but have not found another job yet.

**Low income housing is not $300,000 homes for the new guy in the oil patch; Low income housing is AFFORDABLE to those working those minimum paying jobs you refuse to fill with Canadian workers.

Panic Attacks: When No one Believes

It is difficult for me to understand myself how to deal with my panic attacks, but for someone close to me to understand is near impossible.

I have family members who think that I should just get off my ass and find a job. Others believe I am faking my disability and still others who think that there are those who know how to use the system and that I am one of those who know how.

None have seen me literally go into a panic attack at the thought of volunteering one day a week with my daughter. None have seen the panic attacks happen when someone has been kind enough to offer me a full time job with benefits. They do not understand the issues that come with mental disease and the side effects.

A dear friend of mine was telling me how there is a job opening in his company near where I live. He thought it was a great opportunity for me and was excited at the thought of me being able to do this knowing how difficult my situation is financially. It is full time and would eventually have benefits. I know he meant well, but as his excitement grew I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes ready to pour over, my chest started to ache and my shoulders started to feel like mountains had just crumbled down onto them. I couldn't get enough oxygen into my lungs and when I did get a breath in, it felt like a fire was burning in them.

This is my panic attack. Not because I would have to get off my lazy ass, because I can’t cope with the thought of being a part of the world at this time in my life and it has been happening for many years off and on.

Many people do not understand the excruciating pain someone feels when they are going through a panic attack. I don’t understand why, but that is exactly what happens at the thought of putting me out there.

I would love to be able to afford to take my children to California again, in order to do that I would have to return to work. I would love to be able to buy new appliances; again I would have to return to work. I am so scared to return to work that panic attacks happen constantly at the thought. Even now working on this blog the tears are starting to well up and the chest is starting to heave.

I am trying my best to get back out into the world. One day at a time. Holding off the panic attacks is the hardest part though and with trying to move too fast too soon it could actually set me back.

Many in my family do not understand this, so when I have family members accusing me of being difficult, stubborn and selfish, because I will not be apart of other family members lives I disassociate from all of them as none of them have ever really been supportive, only ever seeing that I “use” the system. They have never gotten to know me well enough or see me before I am medicated after having a panic attack.

But panic attacks are the daily issue when I am trying to integrate myself back into society. I have tried doing this several times since going on a disability and every time I have slipped because of the pressure to succeed from family and some friends that I have had to walk away from.

I succeeded for a couple of years by joining a bowling league in Medicine Hat, but because of the pressure to take bigger steps several issues came up, the biggest being that I went into a Bi-Polar manic episode and started spending too much money, along with other things. By the time I realized what I had done, I ended up in a suicidal state. 

I thank God that my children’s father and his mother are fantastic people who are always willing to be there when our children need them and their understanding of what I was going through that they knew and believed I needed the time to get better.**

My son saw panic attacks and thought they were normal, if he had stayed living with me I do not know where he would be now. Living with a parent and grandparent that were stable gave my son the ground work to succeed. Now he is on his way to graduating this year, working and driving like any normal teenager. 

I don’t think my son remembers how many times he crawled into bed with me to comfort me through panic attacks. I would try to make a game of it, tenting the blankets, but tears would be falling and the pressure on my chest would hurt so much.

My daughter is old enough now to understand that I have a mental disease; she understands that mom cries sometimes because of that disease but that it isn't her fault and she understands that there are warning signs to my depression. She also has a life, volunteering at a library, visiting with friends and doing fantastic at school.

We, my daughter and I, are trying to get set up so we can volunteer at the Salvation Army on Saturdays, but the thought of doing this keeps causing panic attacks.

Going to one of my children’s school for parent teacher interviews or just to talk to a teacher can cause a panic attack. Meeting new people or going into a stressful situation where I know there will be conflict can cause a panic attack.

I am trying again to live my life, it is difficult with the panic attacks, honestly I have been dealing with one while writing this blog, but I know that hiding isn't living.

Dealing with people who choose to believe that you are not who you say you are, is not something you need to do when you are mentally ill. When you have family who try to guilt you into spending time with people who believe this of you, you have to say good-bye to all of them until they are willing to accept you for who you are.

It is not your responsibility to accept people for being judgmental; it is their responsibility to accept you for who you are.

**I am very grateful to my children’s grandmother for the support she gave me and our children when the kids went to live in Calgary. You are an amazing person as well as grandparent to all your grandchildren. You have taken in all of your grandchildren at points in time to raise and for that, from the bottom of my heart, thank you Donna for being there to help care, nurture and raise our children it has meant the world to me.